The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
