wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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