My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You are a genius and a whore.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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