conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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