Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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