There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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