So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
