I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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