so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
