I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
