Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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