She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
