You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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