Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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