More tranny stories later!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
