just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
