Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ugly people sure do ruin things
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize