Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
