Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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