You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
