Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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