My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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