The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
