You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
