Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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