you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
