Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
