Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
