OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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