So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
