can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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