I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
