hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well you can't waste a boner
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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