Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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