Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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