He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
