So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
