what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
