i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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