I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize