there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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