There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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