I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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