Yo dont text me then not text me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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