made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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