Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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