why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
