My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
