Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
