i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
