Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I wear drunk well.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
