Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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