spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
