Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
