I am midnight drunk by noon
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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