I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
