I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
