If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
