hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
