we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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