I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize