one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
