she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
