it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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